


Sackville

by Roadgoeseveronandon



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-17 21:43:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21650233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roadgoeseveronandon/pseuds/Roadgoeseveronandon
Summary: The company has to pass through a hobbit village before they exit the Shire. Which happens to be the home of Bilbo's favorite relatives.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Bilbo/Bofur friendship only. No slash. With a splash of Fili and Kili.  
> Don't own anything, of course.

The day was bright and warm, a good chance to make headway in the beginning of a long journey. The sight of 13 dwarves, a wizard, and a hobbit traveling through the normally quiet Shire was turning many heads.

Unfortunately, Bilbo Baggins happened to know most of the people that openly stared at the scruffy band. The young hobbit of a respectable family couldn't help but feel a little heat crawl into his cheeks as he awkwardly waved to his countrymen.

If any of the dwarves felt uncomfortable with the blatant stares, none of them showed it. Rather keeping to their path with their heads held high, talking amongst themselves. They had only been traveling for a couple days and Bilbo had spent the majority of the time wondering why he was even there. No one other than Bofur, Ori, and Fili and Kili had struck up a conversation with him and the he was almost convinced that Thorin was trying to pretend that he was not their contracted burglar.

Though Bilbo couldn't really blame the surly, exiled king, he himself was pretending he wasn't the company's burglar. Strong doubts had been floating in the hobbit's mind of what had possessed him to step out of Bag End and hike halfway across Middle Earth with a bunch of strangers that didn't even want him there.

He was quite put out. Gandalf wasn't even there to talk to, having skipped ahead to speak with Thorin about their plans. The awkward stares and waves to people he knew where just making the hole of self-pity he was digging all that much deeper.

Slowly he slipped to the back of the line. Myrtle was easily taking advantage of having a submissive, unexperienced rider by plodding along with little regard for what was happening.

"Hello Mr. Mungle," Bilbo said politely, waving to the elderly thatcher. Who politely nodded in return, but said nothing.

With all of the discomfort Bilbo was feeling he only just realized where they company had entered. Oh bugger, anywhere but here. Bilbo thought as he rode past the old wooden sign.

Sackville

Now Bilbo ducked his head, wishing he had a hood to hide in. If his infernal relatives found out that he was leaving the Shire, even temporarily, they would swoop upon Bag End like starved dogs to a feast.

Bilbo kicked Myrtle into a bouncy trot, looking to catch up with the others. Hopefully he would be overlooked. He rode up to Nori and Ori at the end of the group, but ended up riding right between their conversation.

"Whoa, Girl. Slow down," the hobbit said, there was a reason why he did not want a pony. They were large, dangerous, and made him sneeze. He was not good with horses and never wanted to be. Now he was on a runaway pony, he could be killed before he left the Shire!

Bofur, noticing the burglar's trouble, simple took his hand from his pipe and caught the "runaway" by the bridle.

"Everything alright there, Master Baggins?" The dwarf asked, returning to nursing his pipe. Bilbo Baggins was obviously not much of a traveler, but Bofur still like the polite, little fellow and found himself trying to keep a watch for the hobbit. After all, there were few that could handle the sudden flood of dwarves on their doorstep with as much grace as he did. Except if you were a dwarf, of course.

"Oh bother, I have never been a good rider. For some time in my younger days I could barely look at a horse."

"You'll get the hang of it soon enough."

"I suppose, I have no choice."

Ori called out, "Where were you trying to go?"

"Away from here and relatives that I would be much better off not catching up with." Bilbo said with a huff, failing to regain some of his dignity after just embarrassing himself again. These dwarves must think him quite incompetent.

"Aye, we all have relatives we'd rather not associate with, eh Nori." Dori had thrown in to his second brother. The thief had a habit of bringing trouble to the family doorstep.

"I don't know what you are talking about, dear brother," was the gushingly innocent response.

Laughter carried through the company with some others nudging jokingly at their own relations. The humor faded and the ponies moved along at a steady pace in relative quiet. The day was still young. The company had stopped to allow the ponies a drink, taking the chance for a light lunch in the process.

Bilbo was on the way back to the group. He had taken the time to send a letter to his cousin, Drogo. He had heard his cousin's wife was pregnant and had sent a note of congratulations. Bilbo chastised himself for almost missing his last chance to write. He had never been close with most of his relatives, but he and Drogo got on well together. He couldn't miss acknowledging the arrival of his next relative. Maybe this one would be more pleasant to deal with.

As the day past, Bilbo became more relaxed and by the end of the day's travel they would be beyond Sackville and its surrounding farmlands. And beyond the petulant Sackville-Baggins.

"Bilbo Baggins, is that you, cousin?" A light feminine voice said from behind.

Bilbo's luck had just run out. He could practically hear the sneer in her tone.

Suppressing his look of dismay, he turned and attempted to look pleasant. "Lobelia, you look lovely." Which was far reaching indeed. Lobelia was a squat hobbit with light brown hair that was more frizz than typical hobbit curls. Her wide face had a perpetual frown on it that was crowned with a bulbous nose.

"Well, it's been nice to see you. . . Good day," The sooner he got away the better.

But Lobelia Sackville-Baggins wasn't giving up that easy.

"Are you going somewhere? Who is watching Bag End?"

Ah yes, Bag End. She had always had her eye on the green door under the hill, since she first met Otho. She wasn't even a blood relative of the Baggins, being Bilbo's cousin by marriage. He was pretty sure that she would sell her soul to live in his home and all its belongings.

Or his. The quest was to take at least six months, as per the contract. If Lobelia found out his home would be unoccupied for so long, she would be measuring the walls before he could blink.

If Bilbo didn't think of something quick he was set to loose almost anything and everything precious to him.

Meanwhile

The dwarves packed their supplies, ready to continue to Erebor. Until Bofur noticed something missing.

"Where's Master Baggins?" he asked, to no one in particular. Though the question did catch the others' attention, they started to look around their improvised picnic.

Thorin was less than please, ready to leave the burglar behind. But a look from Gandalf made him sigh. He had conceded to humor the wizard when it came to the hobbit.

"Fili, Kili, go find our burglar. Be quick about it." Thorin ordered.

"I believe he went back to town, something about sending a letter," Gandalf supplied helpfully. He wasn't overly worried for the hobbit; they were still in the Shire. There had not been any sort evil creature past its borders for over an Age.

"I'll help you lads," Bofur volunteered. Together he and the young ones headed back to the little hobbit village not far back.

It wasn't hard to find the wayward burglar as he stood near the edge of town that was closest to where the company had sat, his back facing the approaching dwarves. However, he wasn't alone. A female hobbit stood in front of him with her hands on her hips and an aggressive stance. The she-hobbit's squeaky voice carried easily to the approaching dwarves.

"Well, what's happening to Bag End?" she asked.

"Bag End?" Bofur asked to the boys.

"Isn't that the name of Mr. Baggins' home?" Fili recalled. That's what Gandalf told them to ask for if they needed directions to locate there designated meeting place.

"It's been in his family for years," Kili echoed the words from their first meeting with Bilbo. "It has a lot of his family's heirlooms in it." Remembering the hobbit yelling at him about his mother's "glory box", whatever that was, and his grandfather's chairs. It still made him laugh to picture Bilbo's face when the dwarves had started to throw his mother's dishes around.

"Well its looks like someone wants to get their sticky fingers on it." Bofur concluded. The dwarven race valued the precious metals and gems of the world, but nothing was more to them than family. Loyalty stood on the definition of family.

"Right lads, follow my lead," Bofur an idea forming in his mind.

Otho had joined his bitter wife and now both of them were peering at Bilbo with distaste. He was backed into a corner now. Until the last thing he expected appeared.

"Hello Master Baggins," Bofur said with a cheery voice. He whipped off his hat and a low sweeping bow to the burglar. Fili and Kili flanked the miner, giving bows of their own, barely containing the mirth from their faces. "We are ready to depart when you are, My Lord."

"Lord. . ?" Otho stuttered.

"Are there fellows bothering you? Sir." Kili added, coughing to hide a laugh as his brother drew on of his various knives, testing the sharpness with the edge of his thumb.

Bofur stared quietly, looking at Bilbo who in turn stood open mouthed at the dwarves. The hatted dwarf intensified his look, hoping the hobbit could catch the hint.

Lucky, he did. Stumbling out a haste reply, "Uh, no they are not." Answering Kili's question. "These are my cousins the Sackville-Bagginses," he finished. Not so subtly trying to relate an expression of desperation to the dwarves.

"Who are these people, cousin?" Lobelia asked, watching blond continue to pick at his knife and the other dark-haired one adjust the bow on his back.

"We are Lord Baggins' escorts," Bofur answered easily, making up the lie as he spoke. "We are charged to take him to our employer and to return him home again, unspoiled." Looking to Bilbo, "We must be moving on, My Lord. If we are to keep to the schedule."

"Ah yes, of course. Please excuse me cousins . . . Good day" Bilbo threw to his relatives, straightening his coat as Bofur, with another grand flourish, gestured for the hobbit to take the lead. When he did, Kili and Fili fell in behind, both trying to give a menacing glare to the still shocked hobbits they were leaving behind. Well, as much of a glare they could make without bursting into laughter.

The charade continued until they were beyond the village and out of sight. Bilbo suddenly stopped, giving a huge sigh of relief.

"I don't know what I would have done without you," he said

"Not to worry, Mr. Baggins." Fili answered. "It was quite fun."

"Your family seems to be a charming bunch," Bofur threw in.

"But your home should be safe now," Kili added. He wouldn't admit it but to appear intimidating to someone, even to a couple short-sighted hobbits, made him feel a little more of a warrior. One didn't get that feeling being around a bunch of much more experienced fighters that had known him from the day he was born.

"Yes, something that I cannot thank you enough for," the hobbit answered truthly.

Bofur clapped him on the shoulder as they walked back to the others, "We're ready to help at time. We watch out for each other Master Baggins. Even from unpleasant persons."

"Please call me Bilbo"

"Anytime, Bilbo." Bofur promised

Maybe this journey had a few good qualities too it. Having good friends could only make it better.


	2. Chapter 2

And so Bilbo was more than ready to leave Sackville behind. He, Bofur, and the boys made it back to the others quick enough. The rest of the company had finished packing and were waiting on their ponies for their missing companions.

Thorin moved out as soon as they were in sight, not bothering to ask what kept them. Mainly because he didn't care as he saw the slight delay as a complete waste. They didn't get far; when a high-pitched, squeaky voice called out, "Wait just one moment here, Bilbo Baggins."

Lobelia Sackville-Baggins was not so easily perturbed and the sight of the Master of Bag End leaving the Shire was something she had been waiting on for years. Dwarves or no dwarves.

The ones who had interacted with the she-hobbit looked to each other with apprehension. Their trick had worked well enough back in the hobbit village, but they were much less likely to get the others to play along. Gloin, Dwalin, and Thorin would never waste time with the charade, that was for sure.

Fili instantly kicked his pony to be between Bilbo and his irate cousin attempting to dissuade her advance on their burglar.

It didn't work.

The sight of the blond dwarf did not catch her off guard again and she pulled the pony's bridle to the side, out of her way. Fili was left to try and get Minty under control as the quick move had startled her.

"I demand to know what you are doing," She stated, having eyes for no one but the lone hobbit.

"You have responsibilities to the family, cousin," Otho followed. "You are not involved," He stated, waggling his finger at Kili as the dwarf approached to assist his brother.

Bilbo stuttered over a response. He wasn't much of a liar and his mind was drawing a blank as to what to say next. Luckily the master of quick wit swept in.

"We've not the time to dawdle. Not to worry we'll take good care of Master Bilbo, ah Baggins" Bofur covered quickly.

The Sackville-Bagginses looked less than convinced.

"Business, cousin." Bilbo finally said, he could not think of anything better to say.

"What is the hold up?" a deep voice sounded, Thorin had back tracked to the field when he realized there appeared to be another issue.

"No concern of yours, Sir." Lobelia answered, so incensed that she was in Bilbo. Otho, however, had noticed the number of dwarves that surrounded them and was a bit more hesitant.

"We have a right to know about our kin and his home," Family loyalty was one of his favorite excuses to fall back on. "These hooligans," pointing at Fili and Kili who were the closest, "have been keeping it from us."

"You speak of kin. Those hooligans, as you say, are my nephews. And our business it none of yours." Thorin growled out.

Now Lobelia noticed that this dwarf was not like the rest, the air of authority radiated off of him, she scurried back to her husband. But it was not enough to completely deter her. She drew herself up to her full height of 3 foot 1, and pointed her squat nose at Thorin.

"Cousin! This is really unnecessary." Bilbo intervened, if he didn't he wasn't sure how much longer his cousins would be living. "I will be home soon enough and then we can catch up over tea at Bag End."

Tea with the Sackville-Baggines was the last thing Bilbo wanted to do, but if it got them to leave and avoid Thorin's ire, well that's what he would have to sacrifice for this quest.

He would need to remember to count his spoons before they would leave though.

Lobelia looked unhappy with that answer, but a touch on her shoulder from Otho kept her from making any other response. The she-hobbit had been waiting for years to get a foot into Bag End; she could wait a little longer.

"Very well, Bilbo Baggins. I will hold you to it," With a final glare to Thorin and the dwarves the Sackville-Bagginses retreated.

No one spoke for a moment, then the reverie was broken by Gandalf's soft chuckling. The ways of hobbits always amused the wizard. Thorin turned away, ready to set back out.

"You weren't kidding when it came to your kin, Master Hobbit," Said Nori.

"Yes, I do apologize for their infraction." Bilbo said, hoping to try and make up for the delays and trouble cause by his family. Although he spoke to everyone, it was Thorin he was looking to. However, the tall dwarf did not acknowledge that the burglar had even spoken.

"Don't worry about him," said Fili, guessing what the hobbit was nervous about. "We've done a lot worse things to deserve Thorin's anger while growing up."

Bofur laughed at that statement, "They have enough stories to last us unto the Lonely Mountain itself."

"Oh yes," Kili jumped in. "This one time . . ."

And so the day was spent sharing stories and telling jokes. Eventually most of the company had joined the conversation.

By the evening, Balin had spotted Thorin smirking to himself as his nephews reenacted one tale involving some emissaries from the south and their "borrowing" of their mother's skirts.

Balin knew the King better than most, though he was annoyed he wasn't truly angry. And these moments with family were important to hold on to.

There may not be time in the near future for it. The old advisor could only hope that the time with his family would keep Thorin from falling to the gold sickness. It was the reason he encouraged having Fili and Kili with them at all.

The company burglar brought out the best of the group even if he didn't realize it. Though angry, nosy relatives were guaranteed not to be the worst thing they would encounter. It would take all of them working together to reclaim Erebor. This hobbit may help keep Thorin from drowning yet.


End file.
